That's right folks! This is not your typical lawn service that you see here in Columbus, Ohio. In fact, we are down-right insane. Let me tell you how we will mow your lawn.
First, we will sprinkle magical, dixie dust on your lawn. What this does is make your grass grow five times faster than the average lawn. That way, you'll need us to come out and mow your lawn three or four times a week. Sure, we'll get more money from you - but look on the bright side, we'll get to know you more.
Secondly, after the magical dixie dust is settled on your lawn, we will dance around your house (or building - or whatever the heck you are living in). This will help the magic come alive. The magic will then help you grass get greener and will look perfect.
Next, this is where we do the grass cutting. We take out our miniature lawn mowers and release about a dozen or so dwarfs and they start mowing your lawn. These guys are super fast. They will have or lawn done within five days. Yep - you heard me right - five days.
After the lawn is done, we'll sprinkle more magical, dixie dust on your lawn and this may sometimes bring out the unicorns. If your lucky, it might cause a few rainbows.
We also might bring some people in and they will do a rain dance. It will probably rain. Once that is done, the grass will grow about a foot long and you will need to call us the next day to come and mow your lawn. It's a big win - well, at lease for us.
One more thing. Once we are done - you pay us in gold. We do not want any cash since the dollar is weak. We take VISA as well - but none of that green back! You hear?!!!
Here is a lawn story of when I was sixteen. Every week, I had to go to this old woman's house and mow five acres of her crappy lawn. I can't remember how much she paid me, but it did seem like a lot of money at the time. Enough for gas and a few grabs at McDonalds. Maybe chewing gum as well. Anyway, I would start early in the morning and get done around 5:00 pm at night. I hated it. There were a lot of trees I had to mow around and her lawn was very slanted. This was not in Columbus, but Zanesville, Ohio. It's a little hilly there. Also - a little hill billy as well if you know what I mean. Anyway, the point of the story is that it was boring. I didn't have any dwarfs to help me mow - it was just me. Oh, by the way, one thing you should know about me is that I'm really lazy.
Anyway, that is my resume. I actually mowed a lawn before in the summer of '84. You happy now??? You better be. Anyway, if you want my business to mow your lawn here in Columbus, Ohio - you might want to go with our service.
Alrighty then. You may want to my contact number and address. But don't visit me, I don't like people.
Call me at (614) 218-2882. I live at 4456 Nickerson Rd. Columbus, Ohio 43228
Hope to hear from you.
NOTE: The above is just a filler. I will have a real lawn service but I need to start ranking first. This website is being developed.
